魔王的新手教學7

魔王的新手教學

作者：不詳

譯者：貓神官田中方樹





61. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

如果我知道某個乳臭味乾的小子開始摧毀我的任務, 我會在他還乳臭味乾的時候宰了他, 而不是等他長大.

62. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

對任何被我魔法或科技所控制的野獸, 我會尊重並和藹的對待它們. 這樣子如果控制被解除了, 它們也不會馬上來找我算帳.

63. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me,I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

如果我得知某樣神器可以摧毀我, 我不會下令所有的軍團全部動員去奪取它. 相反的, 我會命令軍團去奪取其他的東西, 然後不動聲色的在地方報紙上面刊登徵求廣告.

64. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh power books.

我的主要電腦會擁有獨特的作業系統, 與IBM電腦或是Macintosh電腦完全不相容.

65. I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.

我會選擇堡壘的大門是一般標準的尺寸. 當然, 精心製作的20公尺高的大門可以讓大眾有深刻的印象, 但是危急時常常來不及關起來.

66. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess` cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

當我地牢的守衛之一開始關心美麗公主的牢房狀況時, 我會立刻把他換到比較不需要與人接觸的職位.

67. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

我會聘用一群合格建築師組成委員會, 仔細的檢查我的堡壘, 讓我知道所有密道的位置,同時廢棄堵塞所有我所不知道的密道.

68. If the beautiful princess that I captures says ``I`ll never marry you!Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!`` I will say ``Oh well,`` and kill her.

如果我抓到的美麗公主對我大吼: "我永遠不會嫁給你的, 永遠! 你聽到了嗎, 永遠!"我會回答: "那很好." 然後斃了她.

69. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

當我和惡魔達成協議後, 我不會只是想要個敵手而試圖欺騙它.

70. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their placein my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

變形生物與奇怪的精神病患在我的恐怖軍團裡面會有一席之地. 但是在我派它們執行需要老練與狡猾的重要秘密任務時. 我會先找找看是否有其他可以引起較少注意的適當人選.

71. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance,I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

最後, 如果要讓我的敵人困在永遠的無心智狀態, 我會提供他們免費無限的網際網路.



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