發信人: Vassili242.bbs@ptt.cc (Michael Kamen安息吧...), 看板: StarTrek
標 題: [轉錄]銀河飛龍 VS X檔案
發信站: 批踢踢實業 (Fri Nov 21 01:30:17 2003)
轉信站: ds9!news.ntu!freebsd.ntu!news.cis.nctu!ctu-peer!ctu-reader!news.nctu!p
譯者的話：本篇是一名 Star Trek 的極端愛好者所寫的一篇搞笑文章，內容完
全和影集無關。希望大家看過之後笑一笑就算了，不要過於深究，也
不要挑起雙方影迷的仇恨。畢竟好影集大家都愛看，不是嗎？
╔────────────────────────╗
│ STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION VS. THE X-FILES │
│ 銀河飛龍－－第二代 對決 X 檔案 │
╚────────────────────────╝
By David Nurenberg
譯者 貓昌， Danny J. Lin
The titanic third chapter in the insanely popular Star Trek Superiority
Series (or STSS) !
瘋狂地受到大家歡迎的銀河飛龍宇宙無敵系列中偉大的第三章！
Read, laugh, and distribute like crazy, under two conditions:
1. Please give me credit, I work very hard on these!
2. Please do not alter!
Thanx!
對於本文，您可以盡情地讀、開懷地笑，而且在不違反這兩個情況下可以瘋狂
地散佈出去： 1. 請給我讚美一下吧！我真的花了很大的心思在這上面！
2. 請不要對本文做任何修改！
謝謝！
CAST: 演員卡司陣容：
─────────┬────────────────┬──────────
ROLE │STAR TREK TNG │X FILES
角色 │銀河飛龍－－第二代 │X 檔案
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Leader person │Picard │Fox Mulder
主角 │畢凱 │福克斯‧穆德
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Macho stud │Riker │Fox Mulder
具有男子氣概的種馬│瑞克 │福克斯‧穆德
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Robot guy │Data │Fox Mulder
鐵打的傢伙 │百科 │福克斯‧穆德
│ │(註：這邊怪怪的，
│ │ 穆德是機器人嗎？)
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Engineer │Geordi │None
工程師 │鷹眼 │無
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Doctor │Beverly Crusher │Dana Scully
醫生 │貝芙莉‧克拉雪 │黛娜‧史卡利
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Hot Babes │Troi, Crusher, Ro │Dana Scully
惹火的漂亮寶貝 │星異、醫官、？ │黛娜‧史卡利
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Annoying Superior│Admiral Necheyev │Director Skinner
討厭的幕後老闆 │海軍上將奈奇耶夫（？） │史金那局長
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Motto │To boldly go etc etc... │The truth is out
there
│ │trust no one
格言 │大膽地前進云云...... │事實真相不在這裡，
│ │誰都不能相信
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
REAL Motto │Make LOTS of spin offs │Only pay two actors
「真正的」格言 │製造出一大堆故事外拉里拉雜的東東│只要花錢請兩個演員
─────────┴────────────────┴──────────
Question for the day: Ever notice that the hero of the X files is named
the network he's seen on?
本日的問題：注意到那個 X 檔案中的英雄在他所見到的網路上被任命的情形嗎？
Captain's Log, Stardate: The 12th of Never. The ENTERPRISE and
crew have found yet ANOTHER excuse to travel back in time to 20th
century Earth...this time, we're pursuing two Earth whales that were
raised by aliens to be crisis troubleshooters, but decided they'll
have more fun stealing life energy from hapless primitive Terrans
and feeding it to an alien snake. We also have to make sure they
kill Joan Crawford, or else the first man to pilot the Earth-Saturn
probe will never be born. Whew! That about does it! Even as I sit
here, recording my log from the cushy comfort of my nice, safe
captain chair, sipping Early Gray Tea (hot), my fearless crew is off
earning their hazard pay down on the planet below. I can only hope
they don't run into trouble dealing with the primitive nature of
Earth inhabitants, or else I'll have yet another nice, shiny
violation of the Prime Directive to add to the four-ton crate of
them in my ready room. Hey, Starfleet can't complain, Kirk had a
whole WAREHOUSE full of them...
艦長日誌，星曆：很久很久以後。（註：The 12th of Never 是一首西洋
老歌，由 The Osmonds 主唱， 中文譯為「天長地久」，歌詞極具肉麻噁心之
情事，適合唱給美眉聽：））企業號和她的船員找到「另外」一個可以回到二
十世紀地球的藉口...... 這一次，我們要追捕兩頭地球的鯨魚。 這兩頭由外
星人所養大的鯨魚本來是要做為危機處理用的，可是他們發現到從那些不幸的
原始地球人身上竊取生命能源，再把它餵給外星大蛇，這樣會更有樂子。我們
還必須確定他們是否殺掉瓊安‧克勞馥，否則第一個駕駛土星探測船的人就不
會出生了。ㄟ！差不多就這樣子了！正當我坐在這裡，在我這張輕鬆、舒適又
安全的椅子上記錄艦長日誌，還一邊啜飲著早熟的綠茶（是熱的）的時候，我
那些不知道害怕為何物的手下正在下面的星球上努力賺取他們的血汗錢。我也
只能希望他們不會在面對那些未開化的地球居民時遇到麻煩，否則我就會收到
另外一份嶄新的違反「最高指導原則」投訴書，並堆到我房間裡面那個專門放
投訴書的大木箱裡面去。嘿！星際艦隊不能對我抱怨什麼，我的前輩寇克他有
一整倉庫的投訴書......
（註：瓊安克勞馥好像是本影集的幕後工作者......)
(on Earth, 1995) （1995年，地球）
RIKER: Riker to ENTERPRISE, we're cornered the whales in a swimming pool
in Boise, Idaho, and are preparing to effect capture. We lost
twelve nameless security guards, and Troi broke a nail.
瑞克：瑞克呼叫企業號，我們把那兩頭鯨魚逼到 Boise，Idaho 的一座游泳池裡面
，並且準備要把牠們抓起來。我們損失了十二個沒有名字的安全守衛，還有
星異弄斷了一根指甲。
PICARD (on ship): Excellent, Number One.
畢凱（在船上）：幹的好，大副。
RIKER: However....
瑞克：可是......
PICARD: I knew this was coming.
畢凱：我知道麻煩來了。
RIKER: If it wasn't, we're only have a 20 minute show.
瑞克：如果沒有麻煩的話，我們這一集就只有二十分鐘而已。
PICARD: Point taken. Continue.
畢凱：了解。繼續。
RIKER: We're run into two especially nosy natives who're been tracking us
this whole time.
瑞克：我們遇到兩個超級愛管閒事的地球人，他們從頭到尾都一直跟蹤我們。
PICARD: Deal with them however you want, Will. My ancestors are all
from France, so whatever happens to two Americans probably won't
change my present much. I trust your judgment...now you'll have
to excuse me, I'll in the midst of a fascinating article on
ancient ruins of the planet Tribble. Picard out.
畢凱：你要怎麼處置他們隨你高興。我的祖先都是從法國來的，所以不管兩個美國
佬發生了什麼事也不太可能大大地改變我目前的情況。我相信你的判斷...
現在我必須離開了。我正沉迷在一篇有關 Tribble 星古代遺跡的文章。通
話完畢。
RIKER: Sigh.
瑞克：唉......
(He, Troi, Worf, Data, Geordi, and Crusher, and contingent of
soon-to-be-dead security guards turn to meet Mulder & Scully...note
BOISE, IDAHO runs in white letters at the bottom of the screen)
(他、星異、武夫、百科、鷹眼及醫官， 還有一個支隊的那種很快就會翹
辮子的安全警衛開始面對穆德和史卡利...... 注意： 在螢幕下方有 BOISE,
IDAHO 的白色字樣。）（註：看 X Files 片頭時，注意看看螢幕下方：））
MULDER: Freeze, FBI! (holds gun up with arms fully forward in that half-
steady manner of his)
穆德：別動！聯邦調查局！（用他那種不怎麼穩健的態度兩隻手抓著槍朝前。）
RIKER: You already did that when you first saw us.
瑞克：你在第一眼見到我們時就已經做出這動作了。
MULDER: Yes, but I have to posture first, and show how macho I am! Not
that it ever warms up my platonic partner, however.
穆德：沒錯，可是我必須先擺出這種姿勢，然後展現我多麼有男子氣概啊！並不是說
我這種姿勢可以激起我那柏拉圖式伙伴的熱情。
RIKER: YOU want to talk about problems with your platonic partner?
(chucks a thumb at Troi)
瑞克：你要和你那柏拉圖式的伙伴討論這些問題嗎？（向星異比了下手勢。）
CRUSHER: (gives a sad glance up at the ENTERPRISE where the captain is
devotedly doting on...his archeology paper) Yeah, get in line,
Mister.
醫官：（傷心地向上看了看企業號。而艦長正全心全意地埋首在他的......考古學
論文）喂，說一下話吧，艦長。
SCULLY: Who ARE you people?
史卡利：你們是誰？
MULDER: They're obviously aliens, Scully!
穆德：史卡利，他們很明顯是外星人！
RIKER: Uh...actually, only three of us are.
瑞克：唔......事實上，我們之中只有三個人才算是。
DATA: Two and a half, to be precise, Commander. The counselor is
half-human.
百科：中校，說的更精確一點，只有兩個半。顧問具有一半人類的血統。
RIKER: Like you'll be able to tell...
瑞克：難道你要說......
(Troi promptly phasers him unconscious)
（星異很快地用光束槍把他打昏）
GEORDI: Not again...
鷹眼：別又來了......
SCULLY: Surely you don't think they're really aliens, Mulder. There must
be some logical explanation for this.
史卡利：穆德，你不會相信他們是真的外星人吧！這一定有些合理的解釋。
MULDER: But Scully, look! One pale white with gold eyes, another got
some sort of cybernetic grafting on his face - positive proof of
genetic engineering with alien DNA - and that big one got ridges
all over his head!
穆德：可是史卡利，你看!他們之中有一個皮膚蒼白還有金色的眼睛；另一個在他
臉上移植了一種神經機械的東東 -- 明顯地證明用了外星人的 DNA 在他的
基因工程上 -- 而且身材魁梧的那個人他的頭上長滿了一條條的突起！
SCULLY: The first one could be an albino, or someone with a bizarre skin
condition. And look at the second one - that most likely a
barrette over his eyes, Mulder, look at it - just like the kind
you can get in any beauty salon (er...so I've heard...not that
I need to frequent one, or anything), and the third one probably
has some sort of weird genetic deformity.
史卡利：第一個一定是個白子，要不然就是得了一種奇怪的皮膚病。再來仔細看看
第二個 -- 在他眼睛上的八九成是個髮圈，穆德，注意看一下 -- 就像你
可以在隨便一家美髮沙龍裡面買到的那種（ㄟ......我聽說是這樣的啦
......不是指我要常去美髮沙龍或是其他美容院的啦），而且第三個可能
有某種基因上的異變，所以才會長的這樣子。
MULDER: But you saw that energy weapon the sexy one fired! That alien
technology if I ever saw it!
穆德：可是你看那個性感美眉所發射的能源武器！那是我沒看過的外星科技啊！
SCULLY: The government and the military have made major leaps in directed
energy discharge weapons...perhaps this is a new prototype we've
never heard of.
史卡利：政府和軍方在研發這類導向的能源放射武器上有了很大的突破......也許
這是一個我們還沒聽說過的新原型機種。
MULDER (jumping up and down, turning red): But Sculllllllllyyyyy, they
SAID they were aliens!
穆德：（跳上跳下，滿臉通紅）可是史卡利......，他們說他們是外星人耶！
SCULLY: Have you ever considered they could be lying?
史卡利：你沒考慮到他們可能在說謊嗎？
GEORDI: If I can make a suggestion...
鷹眼：我能做個說明嗎？
MULDER: Shut up!! (Waves gun) You have my sister!! Where is she?!?!?
Tell me!!! WHERE?!?!
穆德：給我閉嘴！（揮動著手槍）你們抓走了我的妹妹！她在哪裡？告訴我！在
哪裡？
DATA: I believe you are acting irrationally...
百科：我相信你現在的行為是非理性的......
MULDER: (runs up to Worf, points gun at the back of his head). Look,
BASE OF THE NECK!!! BASE OF THE NECK!!! NOW WHERE IS SHE?!??!?!
穆德：（跑到武夫的後面，拿槍指著他的後腦勺）你看，他脖子的底部！他脖子
的底部！告訴我，她在哪兒？
WORF: Only a coward attacks from behind. (Slaps Mulder away. His gun
fires , but the shot is knocked way off, killing a nameless
security guard instead).
武夫：只有懦夫才會從背後攻擊。（把穆德掃開。他開了槍，可是子彈彈到別的
地方，反而打死了一個沒有名字的安全守衛。）
CRUSHER: He's dead, Will!
醫官：他死了！
SCULLY: (Pushes her aside) Out of my way, Red! I have to perform my
obligatory autopsy for this episode! (Whips out a laptop and
surgical tools, makes extensive logs and notes for hours).
Mulder, I've concluded that this man died from a gunshot.
史卡利：（把她推到一旁）紅頭髮的，閃到一邊去！我要進行一些必要的驗屍工
作！（拿出一台膝上型電腦和一些外科手術工具，花了老半天弄出了一
大票記錄。）穆德，我斷定這個人死於槍殺。
（註：作者好像搞錯了，史卡利用的是 notebook computer ，一般翻為
「筆記型電腦」，而不是 laptop 。）
MULDER: It couldn't have been! These aliens had something to do with
it! They must have abducted him, and the government probably
cloned him and gave him a gunshot wound to throw us off track
while they kept the alien technologies that killed him for
themselves!
穆德：不可能！這些外星人一定和他的死有所牽連！他們一定把他綁架起來，然
後政府可能複製一個他、給他一槍然後丟給我們，擾亂我們的線索；這樣
一來他們就可以保存那些用來殺死他的外星科技！
SCULLY: Mulder, it was a BULLET. YOUR bullet. Don't you trust me?
史卡利：穆德，致死的是一顆子彈。是「你的」子彈。你難道不相信我嗎？
MULDER: Trust no one, Scully! Why, for all I know, you could be in on
this.. how can I trust someone who doesn't even call me by my
first name?
穆德：史卡利！不要相信任何人！就我所知，妳也可能和這件事有關連......我
怎麼能相信一個從來不用我的名叫我的人？
SCULLY: But you call me by MY last name!
史卡利：可是你也是用我的姓來叫我的啊！
MULDER: That's not the point! You could be a part of this!
穆德：這不是重點！妳可能捲入此案！
CRUSHER: (fires phaser in the air) WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?!?!?!
醫官：（對空發射光束槍）你們兩個給我閉嘴可以嗎？
WORF: They fight like Targs in a blood pit, grasping at grizzle and
attacking anyone who comes near.
武夫：他們的爭鬥就好像 Targs 在充滿血的坑洞中一樣，抓著那些嚎哭的人並
且攻擊任何靠近牠們的物品。
（註： Targ 是一種克林貢的生物，生性嗜血，常被克林貢人拿來當寵物
，武夫小的時候養過一隻。）
DATA: No, no, please continue. I find interpersonal reactions between
humans to be a fascinating topic for study.
百科：不，不，請繼續。我發覺人類的互動行為在學習上是一個很好的主題。
CRUSHER: Data, now is not the time...
醫官：百科，現在不是做研究的時候......
GEORDI: Look, we're not aliens....well, not most of us, anyway....we're
from the future. We're here to apprehend alien whales who are
disturbing this era.
鷹眼：喂！我們不是外星人......喔，我們之中大部份不是，別管這個......我
們是從未來過來的。我們到這裡是為了要捕捉擾亂這個時代的外星鯨魚。
MULDER: What do you take me for, an idiot? Do you think I'm going to
buy that?
穆德：你們把我想成什麼了？白癡嗎？你們認為我會相信你們的話嗎？
TROI: It's the truth!
星異：這是真的！
MULDER: The truth is out there...somewhere!
穆德：事實的真相不在這裡......是在其他看不見的地方！
SCULLY: Mulder...all of these security guards are now dead! Their...
life force... has been drained, just like the case with the
other victims!
史卡利：穆德......那些安全守衛全都死了！他們的......生命能源......都
被吸乾了，就像其他受害者的案子一樣！
MULDER: Not now, Scully, I'm calling up my secret source, Deep Throat
II, on this cool little cellular phone of mine!
穆德：史卡利，不是現在。我正用我這個很酷的小賽璐珞電話和我的秘密情報來
源－－深喉嚨二世通話！
SCULLY: And these whales are rising from the pool, tossing energy bolts!
史卡利：可是這些鯨魚正從游泳池中浮起來，並且發射能源波！
MULDER: I said not now!
穆德：我說了不是現在！
WORF: The whales are escaping! Fire phasers!
武夫：那些鯨魚正要逃走！發射光砲！
(Huge phaser fight takes place, the ENTERPRISE fires photon
torpedoes from orbit, blows the whales to small bite-sized chunks.
Mulder misses all of it, however, because he's hurried off to that
rotting baseball park to meet Deep Throat II, who only tells him
that here's more going on than he knows, and that these are very
dangerous times indeed. ）
（驚天動地的光砲戰發生了，企業號從軌道上發射光雷，把那些鯨魚打成
碎片。可是穆德錯過了所有的過程，因為他衝進一個頹圮的棒球場和深喉嚨二
世會面。深喉嚨二世只告訴他幕後有更大的事情要發生，而這些事情是非常危
險的。）
MULDER (returns): My G-d! There's a huge crater where the pool used to
be! The ground has been fused to glass by some sort of
high intensity explosion....and there are large,
smoldering chunks of blubber everywhere!
穆德（回來了）：我的天啊！本來是游泳池的地方居然跑出個大彈坑來！地面上因
為某種強烈的爆炸而融合成玻璃......而且到處都是大塊大塊、
正在悶燒的油脂！
SCULLY: Mulder, you won't believe what just happened -
史卡利：穆德，你不會相信剛剛所發生的事......
MULDER: (ignores her) NOOOO! The government must have covered its
tracks and destroyed any evidence of the alien involvement!
I'm back to square one again!
穆德（不理她）：不～～～～！政府一定掩蓋了他們的行蹤並且清除了任何有
關外星人參與的證據。我又要再去賄賂一個政府官員了！
SCULLY: No, no, there were these huge red blasts from the sky...and
these whales...and these flashing red energy guns...and....
and...no, that's impossible! Focus, Dana, foooocus...they
must have been filming a movie...or maybe I ingested a
hallucinogenic substance...
史卡利：不，不！剛剛從天上轟下來幾次大爆炸......還有這些鯨魚......還
有這些發出紅色閃光的能源槍......還有......還有......不，這是
不可能的事！集中精神，黛娜，集中妳的精神......他們一定在拍電
影...... 還是我可能吸收了一些會製造幻覺的物質......
MULDER: Government cover-up!
穆德：政府在湮滅證據！
SCULLY: Hallucination!
史卡利：那是你的幻覺！
MULDER: Alien involvement!
穆德：外星人介入的事件！
SCULLY: Overactive imagination!
史卡利：那是你過分誇張的想像！
MULDER: Tastes great!
穆德：哇！實在是好好吃！
SCULLY: Less filling!
史卡利：還不容易發胖呢！
（註：這兩句為廣告詞，笑點在於穆德和史卡利兩人鬼叫鬼叫叫到廣告去了...）
GEORDI: If you'll just let us explain...
鷹眼：如果你們肯讓我們來解釋一下......
MULDER AND SCULLY: Stay out of this!!!
穆德和史卡利：給我閃到一邊去！
GEORDI: Sheesh!
鷹眼：噓～～～～！
MULDER: Deep Throat II said there was something big going on here!
穆德：深喉嚨二世說曾經有巨大的物體到過這裡！
SCULLY: Well, Skinner just called, and told me we're been taken off
the case.
史卡利：唔，史金那剛剛和我通話，並且告訴我：我們已經撤銷本案了。
MULDER: Aha! Then we were getting too close!
穆德：啊哈！那就表示我們太接近本案的關鍵了！
SCULLY: No, the case is OVER! All of the victims have regained their
life forces...except for that security guard you shot.
史卡利：不，這個案子已經「結束」了！所有的受害者都恢復了生命能源... 除
了那個被你打死的安全守衛。
MULDER: His body! It's gone!
穆德：他的屍體！不見了！
GEORDI: We just transported it back to the ENTERPRISE, that's all.
鷹眼：我們剛剛把它傳送回企業號，就這樣子。
MULDER: The ENTERPRISE? Then the military's involved in this cover up
as well!
穆德：企業號？那麼軍方也參與了這次的掩飾行動囉！
（註：美國海軍有一艘叫做 ENTERPRISE 的航空母艦）
DATA: Starfleet is not strictly a military organization...
百科：星際艦隊並不是完全的軍事組織......
WORF, TROI, CRUSHER, and GEORDI: Yeah. (cough cough) Right.
武夫、星異、醫官和鷹眼：對。（咳咳）沒錯。
RIKER: Uhhh...what's I miss?
瑞克：唔......我錯過了什麼啊？
MULDER: Memory loss. How convenient.
穆德：失憶......多省事啊！
SCULLY: Let me do an autopsy.
史卡利：讓我來驗屍一下。
RIKER: But I'm not dead yet!
瑞克：可是我還沒死呢！
MULDER: Resurrection!
穆德：復活！
TROI: Please calm down, sir, I'm sensing strong waves of paranoia and
agitation...
星異：先生，請冷靜下來。我感應到你的腦波中有強烈的激動與妄想。
MULDER: Psychic activity!
穆德：通靈術！
SCULLY: Will you stop that?!
史卡利：你就不能停下來嗎？
MULDER: (Waves gun at the ENTERPRISE crew..again...) All right, I'm
taking you in, ALIVE, as living proof of the existence of
extraterrestrial visitation!
穆德：（再度對著企業號船員揮舞著他的手槍......）好吧！我要把你們活生
生地抓起來，當作外星人造訪地球的活證據。
WORF: You? Take US in?
武夫：你？把我們抓起來？
DATA: Were I human, I believe the appropriate response would be...not
on the best day of your misbegotten lives. Were I human, of
course.
百科：如果我是人類的話，我相信最適當的反應會是......反正這不是在你們莫
名其妙的一生中最好的日子。當然，假如我是人類的話。
PICARD (from the ship): Number One, have the whales been dealt with?
畢凱（從船上呼叫）：大副，那些鯨魚處理掉了嗎？
RIKER: Aye, sir. And I think we're stayed long enough in this madhouse.
Mister-Whoever-Replaced-O'brien-This-Episode, beam us up.
瑞克：是的，長官。而且我想我們在這個鬼地方待得夠久了。不管是那個傢伙現
在代歐伯里安的班，把我們傳送回去吧！（註：歐伯里安是企業號的傳送
長，不過不是重要的角色，有時候會換人操控傳送室。）
(They Vanish)
（他們消失了）
MULDER: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
穆德：不！～～～～～～～～～～～～～
SCULLY: (sighs, puts arm around Fox...in a friendly, platonic, utterly
non-sexual way, of course). Don't worry, Mulder...we'll get the
bottom of all this, someday.
史卡利：（一面嘆氣，一面抱著穆德......當然是用她一貫友善、柏拉圖的，並且
完全沒有性暗示的態度。）不要擔心，穆德......我們總有一天會知道所
有的真相的。
MULDER: They were right here...I had them...and they slipped through my
fingers again...I'll never find my sister now...
穆德：他們剛剛就在這兒......我掌握了他們......然而他們又再度從我的手掌中
溜走......我恐怕再也沒機會找到我的妹妹了......
SCULLY: There, there, bubala. Come home and I'll make you a nice pot of
chicken soup, and then find a nice girl for you to settle down
with...
史卡利：過來，過來，乖寶寶......我們回家......我會給你煮一罐好喝的雞湯，
然後在給你找個好美眉來給你築一個溫暖的小窩......
* * *
(Back on the ENTERPRISE, as it returns to the 24th century)
（回到二十四世紀的企業號）
RIKER: Whew! I've never been so glad to end an away mission.
瑞克：喔！我從來沒有在結束任務時這麼高興過。
PICARD: Indeed, Will. It's a wonder humanity ever overcame its suspicion,
paranoia, and need for conspiracy and survived past the 1990s...
(pulls shirt down). Helmsman, set a course for Starbase
61...er...
say, I haven't seen you before, have I?
畢凱：的確。要具有多麼令人驚奇的人性，能對抗懷疑、妄想，以及陰謀的需求
，然後才能活過 1990 年代啊！（拉了拉上衣）舵手，設定好往第 61 號
星際基地的航程......ㄟ.......我好像從來沒看過妳耶，我看過妳嗎？
HELMSMAN: (an attractive woman with brown hair bearing a remarkable
resemblance to Fox Mulder is at the Conn). I'm...a transfer
officer, sir. It's a very long story. Very disturbing. You
probably don't want to hear it.
舵手：（一個棕色頭髮，長得很像穆德的漂亮美眉在飛行儀表前）長官，我是調
職過來的。那是一個很常很長的故事。非常花時間。你也許不會想聽。
PICARD: Very true. All right, Ensign, steady as she goes...warp factor
5. En-gage!
畢凱：說對了！好吧！少尉，飛行時保持平穩......曲速五級，啟動！
(Pump a few creepy bars from the X files music...)
（蹦出幾小節令人毛骨悚然的 X 檔案的音樂......）
_________________________________________________________________
THE END
劇終
________________________________________________________________
--
看看好玩就好，不要太當真.......
--以下轉載自X檔案看版....
譯者的話：本篇是一名 Star Trek 的極端愛好者所寫的一篇搞笑文章，內容完
全和影集無關。希望大家看過之後笑一笑就算了，不要過於深究，也
不要挑起雙方影迷的仇恨。畢竟好影集大家都愛看，不是嗎？
╔────────────────────────╗
│ STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION VS. THE X-FILES │
│ 銀河飛龍－－第二代 對決 X 檔案 │
╚────────────────────────╝
By David Nurenberg
譯者 貓昌， Danny J. Lin
The titanic third chapter in the insanely popular Star Trek Superiority
Series (or STSS) !
瘋狂地受到大家歡迎的銀河飛龍宇宙無敵系列中偉大的第三章！
Read, laugh, and distribute like crazy, under two conditions:
1. Please give me credit, I work very hard on these!
2. Please do not alter!
Thanx!
對於本文，您可以盡情地讀、開懷地笑，而且在不違反這兩個情況下可以瘋狂
地散佈出去： 1. 請給我讚美一下吧！我真的花了很大的心思在這上面！
2. 請不要對本文做任何修改！
謝謝！
CAST: 演員卡司陣容：
─────────┬────────────────┬──────────
ROLE │STAR TREK TNG │X FILES
角色 │銀河飛龍－－第二代 │X 檔案
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Leader person │Picard │Fox Mulder
主角 │畢凱 │福克斯‧穆德
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Macho stud │Riker │Fox Mulder
具有男子氣概的種馬│瑞克 │福克斯‧穆德
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Robot guy │Data │Fox Mulder
鐵打的傢伙 │百科 │福克斯‧穆德
│ │(註：這邊怪怪的，
│ │ 穆德是機器人嗎？)
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Engineer │Geordi │None
工程師 │鷹眼 │無
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Doctor │Beverly Crusher │Dana Scully
醫生 │貝芙莉‧克拉雪 │黛娜‧史卡利
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Hot Babes │Troi, Crusher, Ro │Dana Scully
惹火的漂亮寶貝 │星異、醫官、？ │黛娜‧史卡利
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Annoying Superior│Admiral Necheyev │Director Skinner
討厭的幕後老闆 │海軍上將奈奇耶夫（？） │史金那局長
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
Motto │To boldly go etc etc... │The truth is out
there
│ │trust no one
格言 │大膽地前進云云...... │事實真相不在這裡，
│ │誰都不能相信
─────────┼────────────────┼──────────
REAL Motto │Make LOTS of spin offs │Only pay two actors
「真正的」格言 │製造出一大堆故事外拉里拉雜的東東│只要花錢請兩個演員
─────────┴────────────────┴──────────
Question for the day: Ever notice that the hero of the X files is named
the network he's seen on?
本日的問題：注意到那個 X 檔案中的英雄在他所見到的網路上被任命的情形嗎？
Captain's Log, Stardate: The 12th of Never. The ENTERPRISE and
crew have found yet ANOTHER excuse to travel back in time to 20th
century Earth...this time, we're pursuing two Earth whales that were
raised by aliens to be crisis troubleshooters, but decided they'll
have more fun stealing life energy from hapless primitive Terrans
and feeding it to an alien snake. We also have to make sure they
kill Joan Crawford, or else the first man to pilot the Earth-Saturn
probe will never be born. Whew! That about does it! Even as I sit
here, recording my log from the cushy comfort of my nice, safe
captain chair, sipping Early Gray Tea (hot), my fearless crew is off
earning their hazard pay down on the planet below. I can only hope
they don't run into trouble dealing with the primitive nature of
Earth inhabitants, or else I'll have yet another nice, shiny
violation of the Prime Directive to add to the four-ton crate of
them in my ready room. Hey, Starfleet can't complain, Kirk had a
whole WAREHOUSE full of them...
艦長日誌，星曆：很久很久以後。（註：The 12th of Never 是一首西洋
老歌，由 The Osmonds 主唱， 中文譯為「天長地久」，歌詞極具肉麻噁心之
情事，適合唱給美眉聽：））企業號和她的船員找到「另外」一個可以回到二
十世紀地球的藉口...... 這一次，我們要追捕兩頭地球的鯨魚。 這兩頭由外
星人所養大的鯨魚本來是要做為危機處理用的，可是他們發現到從那些不幸的
原始地球人身上竊取生命能源，再把它餵給外星大蛇，這樣會更有樂子。我們
還必須確定他們是否殺掉瓊安‧克勞馥，否則第一個駕駛土星探測船的人就不
會出生了。ㄟ！差不多就這樣子了！正當我坐在這裡，在我這張輕鬆、舒適又
安全的椅子上記錄艦長日誌，還一邊啜飲著早熟的綠茶（是熱的）的時候，我
那些不知道害怕為何物的手下正在下面的星球上努力賺取他們的血汗錢。我也
只能希望他們不會在面對那些未開化的地球居民時遇到麻煩，否則我就會收到
另外一份嶄新的違反「最高指導原則」投訴書，並堆到我房間裡面那個專門放
投訴書的大木箱裡面去。嘿！星際艦隊不能對我抱怨什麼，我的前輩寇克他有
一整倉庫的投訴書......
（註：瓊安克勞馥好像是本影集的幕後工作者......)
(on Earth, 1995) （1995年，地球）
RIKER: Riker to ENTERPRISE, we're cornered the whales in a swimming pool
in Boise, Idaho, and are preparing to effect capture. We lost
twelve nameless security guards, and Troi broke a nail.
瑞克：瑞克呼叫企業號，我們把那兩頭鯨魚逼到 Boise，Idaho 的一座游泳池裡面
，並且準備要把牠們抓起來。我們損失了十二個沒有名字的安全守衛，還有
星異弄斷了一根指甲。
PICARD (on ship): Excellent, Number One.
畢凱（在船上）：幹的好，大副。
RIKER: However....
瑞克：可是......
PICARD: I knew this was coming.
畢凱：我知道麻煩來了。
RIKER: If it wasn't, we're only have a 20 minute show.
瑞克：如果沒有麻煩的話，我們這一集就只有二十分鐘而已。
PICARD: Point taken. Continue.
畢凱：了解。繼續。
RIKER: We're run into two especially nosy natives who're been tracking us
this whole time.
瑞克：我們遇到兩個超級愛管閒事的地球人，他們從頭到尾都一直跟蹤我們。
PICARD: Deal with them however you want, Will. My ancestors are all
from France, so whatever happens to two Americans probably won't
change my present much. I trust your judgment...now you'll have
to excuse me, I'll in the midst of a fascinating article on
ancient ruins of the planet Tribble. Picard out.
畢凱：你要怎麼處置他們隨你高興。我的祖先都是從法國來的，所以不管兩個美國
佬發生了什麼事也不太可能大大地改變我目前的情況。我相信你的判斷...
現在我必須離開了。我正沉迷在一篇有關 Tribble 星古代遺跡的文章。通
話完畢。
RIKER: Sigh.
瑞克：唉......
(He, Troi, Worf, Data, Geordi, and Crusher, and contingent of
soon-to-be-dead security guards turn to meet Mulder & Scully...note
BOISE, IDAHO runs in white letters at the bottom of the screen)
(他、星異、武夫、百科、鷹眼及醫官， 還有一個支隊的那種很快就會翹
辮子的安全警衛開始面對穆德和史卡利...... 注意： 在螢幕下方有 BOISE,
IDAHO 的白色字樣。）（註：看 X Files 片頭時，注意看看螢幕下方：））
MULDER: Freeze, FBI! (holds gun up with arms fully forward in that half-
steady manner of his)
穆德：別動！聯邦調查局！（用他那種不怎麼穩健的態度兩隻手抓著槍朝前。）
RIKER: You already did that when you first saw us.
瑞克：你在第一眼見到我們時就已經做出這動作了。
MULDER: Yes, but I have to posture first, and show how macho I am! Not
that it ever warms up my platonic partner, however.
穆德：沒錯，可是我必須先擺出這種姿勢，然後展現我多麼有男子氣概啊！並不是說
我這種姿勢可以激起我那柏拉圖式伙伴的熱情。
RIKER: YOU want to talk about problems with your platonic partner?
(chucks a thumb at Troi)
瑞克：你要和你那柏拉圖式的伙伴討論這些問題嗎？（向星異比了下手勢。）
CRUSHER: (gives a sad glance up at the ENTERPRISE where the captain is
devotedly doting on...his archeology paper) Yeah, get in line,
Mister.
醫官：（傷心地向上看了看企業號。而艦長正全心全意地埋首在他的......考古學
論文）喂，說一下話吧，艦長。
SCULLY: Who ARE you people?
史卡利：你們是誰？
MULDER: They're obviously aliens, Scully!
穆德：史卡利，他們很明顯是外星人！
RIKER: Uh...actually, only three of us are.
瑞克：唔......事實上，我們之中只有三個人才算是。
DATA: Two and a half, to be precise, Commander. The counselor is
half-human.
百科：中校，說的更精確一點，只有兩個半。顧問具有一半人類的血統。
RIKER: Like you'll be able to tell...
瑞克：難道你要說......
(Troi promptly phasers him unconscious)
（星異很快地用光束槍把他打昏）
GEORDI: Not again...
鷹眼：別又來了......
SCULLY: Surely you don't think they're really aliens, Mulder. There must
be some logical explanation for this.
史卡利：穆德，你不會相信他們是真的外星人吧！這一定有些合理的解釋。
MULDER: But Scully, look! One pale white with gold eyes, another got
some sort of cybernetic grafting on his face - positive proof of
genetic engineering with alien DNA - and that big one got ridges
all over his head!
穆德：可是史卡利，你看!他們之中有一個皮膚蒼白還有金色的眼睛；另一個在他
臉上移植了一種神經機械的東東 -- 明顯地證明用了外星人的 DNA 在他的
基因工程上 -- 而且身材魁梧的那個人他的頭上長滿了一條條的突起！
SCULLY: The first one could be an albino, or someone with a bizarre skin
condition. And look at the second one - that most likely a
barrette over his eyes, Mulder, look at it - just like the kind
you can get in any beauty salon (er...so I've heard...not that
I need to frequent one, or anything), and the third one probably
has some sort of weird genetic deformity.
史卡利：第一個一定是個白子，要不然就是得了一種奇怪的皮膚病。再來仔細看看
第二個 -- 在他眼睛上的八九成是個髮圈，穆德，注意看一下 -- 就像你
可以在隨便一家美髮沙龍裡面買到的那種（ㄟ......我聽說是這樣的啦
......不是指我要常去美髮沙龍或是其他美容院的啦），而且第三個可能
有某種基因上的異變，所以才會長的這樣子。
MULDER: But you saw that energy weapon the sexy one fired! That alien
technology if I ever saw it!
穆德：可是你看那個性感美眉所發射的能源武器！那是我沒看過的外星科技啊！
SCULLY: The government and the military have made major leaps in directed
energy discharge weapons...perhaps this is a new prototype we've
never heard of.
史卡利：政府和軍方在研發這類導向的能源放射武器上有了很大的突破......也許
這是一個我們還沒聽說過的新原型機種。
MULDER (jumping up and down, turning red): But Sculllllllllyyyyy, they
SAID they were aliens!
穆德：（跳上跳下，滿臉通紅）可是史卡利......，他們說他們是外星人耶！
SCULLY: Have you ever considered they could be lying?
史卡利：你沒考慮到他們可能在說謊嗎？
GEORDI: If I can make a suggestion...
鷹眼：我能做個說明嗎？
MULDER: Shut up!! (Waves gun) You have my sister!! Where is she?!?!?
Tell me!!! WHERE?!?!
穆德：給我閉嘴！（揮動著手槍）你們抓走了我的妹妹！她在哪裡？告訴我！在
哪裡？
DATA: I believe you are acting irrationally...
百科：我相信你現在的行為是非理性的......
MULDER: (runs up to Worf, points gun at the back of his head). Look,
BASE OF THE NECK!!! BASE OF THE NECK!!! NOW WHERE IS SHE?!??!?!
穆德：（跑到武夫的後面，拿槍指著他的後腦勺）你看，他脖子的底部！他脖子
的底部！告訴我，她在哪兒？
WORF: Only a coward attacks from behind. (Slaps Mulder away. His gun
fires , but the shot is knocked way off, killing a nameless
security guard instead).
武夫：只有懦夫才會從背後攻擊。（把穆德掃開。他開了槍，可是子彈彈到別的
地方，反而打死了一個沒有名字的安全守衛。）
CRUSHER: He's dead, Will!
醫官：他死了！
SCULLY: (Pushes her aside) Out of my way, Red! I have to perform my
obligatory autopsy for this episode! (Whips out a laptop and
surgical tools, makes extensive logs and notes for hours).
Mulder, I've concluded that this man died from a gunshot.
史卡利：（把她推到一旁）紅頭髮的，閃到一邊去！我要進行一些必要的驗屍工
作！（拿出一台膝上型電腦和一些外科手術工具，花了老半天弄出了一
大票記錄。）穆德，我斷定這個人死於槍殺。
（註：作者好像搞錯了，史卡利用的是 notebook computer ，一般翻為
「筆記型電腦」，而不是 laptop 。）
MULDER: It couldn't have been! These aliens had something to do with
it! They must have abducted him, and the government probably
cloned him and gave him a gunshot wound to throw us off track
while they kept the alien technologies that killed him for
themselves!
穆德：不可能！這些外星人一定和他的死有所牽連！他們一定把他綁架起來，然
後政府可能複製一個他、給他一槍然後丟給我們，擾亂我們的線索；這樣
一來他們就可以保存那些用來殺死他的外星科技！
SCULLY: Mulder, it was a BULLET. YOUR bullet. Don't you trust me?
史卡利：穆德，致死的是一顆子彈。是「你的」子彈。你難道不相信我嗎？
MULDER: Trust no one, Scully! Why, for all I know, you could be in on
this.. how can I trust someone who doesn't even call me by my
first name?
穆德：史卡利！不要相信任何人！就我所知，妳也可能和這件事有關連......我
怎麼能相信一個從來不用我的名叫我的人？
SCULLY: But you call me by MY last name!
史卡利：可是你也是用我的姓來叫我的啊！
MULDER: That's not the point! You could be a part of this!
穆德：這不是重點！妳可能捲入此案！
CRUSHER: (fires phaser in the air) WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?!?!?!
醫官：（對空發射光束槍）你們兩個給我閉嘴可以嗎？
WORF: They fight like Targs in a blood pit, grasping at grizzle and
attacking anyone who comes near.
武夫：他們的爭鬥就好像 Targs 在充滿血的坑洞中一樣，抓著那些嚎哭的人並
且攻擊任何靠近牠們的物品。
（註： Targ 是一種克林貢的生物，生性嗜血，常被克林貢人拿來當寵物
，武夫小的時候養過一隻。）
DATA: No, no, please continue. I find interpersonal reactions between
humans to be a fascinating topic for study.
百科：不，不，請繼續。我發覺人類的互動行為在學習上是一個很好的主題。
CRUSHER: Data, now is not the time...
醫官：百科，現在不是做研究的時候......
GEORDI: Look, we're not aliens....well, not most of us, anyway....we're
from the future. We're here to apprehend alien whales who are
disturbing this era.
鷹眼：喂！我們不是外星人......喔，我們之中大部份不是，別管這個......我
們是從未來過來的。我們到這裡是為了要捕捉擾亂這個時代的外星鯨魚。
MULDER: What do you take me for, an idiot? Do you think I'm going to
buy that?
穆德：你們把我想成什麼了？白癡嗎？你們認為我會相信你們的話嗎？
TROI: It's the truth!
星異：這是真的！
MULDER: The truth is out there...somewhere!
穆德：事實的真相不在這裡......是在其他看不見的地方！
SCULLY: Mulder...all of these security guards are now dead! Their...
life force... has been drained, just like the case with the
other victims!
史卡利：穆德......那些安全守衛全都死了！他們的......生命能源......都
被吸乾了，就像其他受害者的案子一樣！
MULDER: Not now, Scully, I'm calling up my secret source, Deep Throat
II, on this cool little cellular phone of mine!
穆德：史卡利，不是現在。我正用我這個很酷的小賽璐珞電話和我的秘密情報來
源－－深喉嚨二世通話！
SCULLY: And these whales are rising from the pool, tossing energy bolts!
史卡利：可是這些鯨魚正從游泳池中浮起來，並且發射能源波！
MULDER: I said not now!
穆德：我說了不是現在！
WORF: The whales are escaping! Fire phasers!
武夫：那些鯨魚正要逃走！發射光砲！
(Huge phaser fight takes place, the ENTERPRISE fires photon
torpedoes from orbit, blows the whales to small bite-sized chunks.
Mulder misses all of it, however, because he's hurried off to that
rotting baseball park to meet Deep Throat II, who only tells him
that here's more going on than he knows, and that these are very
dangerous times indeed. ）
（驚天動地的光砲戰發生了，企業號從軌道上發射光雷，把那些鯨魚打成
碎片。可是穆德錯過了所有的過程，因為他衝進一個頹圮的棒球場和深喉嚨二
世會面。深喉嚨二世只告訴他幕後有更大的事情要發生，而這些事情是非常危
險的。）
MULDER (returns): My G-d! There's a huge crater where the pool used to
be! The ground has been fused to glass by some sort of
high intensity explosion....and there are large,
smoldering chunks of blubber everywhere!
穆德（回來了）：我的天啊！本來是游泳池的地方居然跑出個大彈坑來！地面上因
為某種強烈的爆炸而融合成玻璃......而且到處都是大塊大塊、
正在悶燒的油脂！
SCULLY: Mulder, you won't believe what just happened -
史卡利：穆德，你不會相信剛剛所發生的事......
MULDER: (ignores her) NOOOO! The government must have covered its
tracks and destroyed any evidence of the alien involvement!
I'm back to square one again!
穆德（不理她）：不～～～～！政府一定掩蓋了他們的行蹤並且清除了任何有
關外星人參與的證據。我又要再去賄賂一個政府官員了！
SCULLY: No, no, there were these huge red blasts from the sky...and
these whales...and these flashing red energy guns...and....
and...no, that's impossible! Focus, Dana, foooocus...they
must have been filming a movie...or maybe I ingested a
hallucinogenic substance...
史卡利：不，不！剛剛從天上轟下來幾次大爆炸......還有這些鯨魚......還
有這些發出紅色閃光的能源槍......還有......還有......不，這是
不可能的事！集中精神，黛娜，集中妳的精神......他們一定在拍電
影...... 還是我可能吸收了一些會製造幻覺的物質......
MULDER: Government cover-up!
穆德：政府在湮滅證據！
SCULLY: Hallucination!
史卡利：那是你的幻覺！
MULDER: Alien involvement!
穆德：外星人介入的事件！
SCULLY: Overactive imagination!
史卡利：那是你過分誇張的想像！
MULDER: Tastes great!
穆德：哇！實在是好好吃！
SCULLY: Less filling!
史卡利：還不容易發胖呢！
（註：這兩句為廣告詞，笑點在於穆德和史卡利兩人鬼叫鬼叫叫到廣告去了...）
GEORDI: If you'll just let us explain...
鷹眼：如果你們肯讓我們來解釋一下......
MULDER AND SCULLY: Stay out of this!!!
穆德和史卡利：給我閃到一邊去！
GEORDI: Sheesh!
鷹眼：噓～～～～！
MULDER: Deep Throat II said there was something big going on here!
穆德：深喉嚨二世說曾經有巨大的物體到過這裡！
SCULLY: Well, Skinner just called, and told me we're been taken off
the case.
史卡利：唔，史金那剛剛和我通話，並且告訴我：我們已經撤銷本案了。
MULDER: Aha! Then we were getting too close!
穆德：啊哈！那就表示我們太接近本案的關鍵了！
SCULLY: No, the case is OVER! All of the victims have regained their
life forces...except for that security guard you shot.
史卡利：不，這個案子已經「結束」了！所有的受害者都恢復了生命能源... 除
了那個被你打死的安全守衛。
MULDER: His body! It's gone!
穆德：他的屍體！不見了！
GEORDI: We just transported it back to the ENTERPRISE, that's all.
鷹眼：我們剛剛把它傳送回企業號，就這樣子。
MULDER: The ENTERPRISE? Then the military's involved in this cover up
as well!
穆德：企業號？那麼軍方也參與了這次的掩飾行動囉！
（註：美國海軍有一艘叫做 ENTERPRISE 的航空母艦）
DATA: Starfleet is not strictly a military organization...
百科：星際艦隊並不是完全的軍事組織......
WORF, TROI, CRUSHER, and GEORDI: Yeah. (cough cough) Right.
武夫、星異、醫官和鷹眼：對。（咳咳）沒錯。
RIKER: Uhhh...what's I miss?
瑞克：唔......我錯過了什麼啊？
MULDER: Memory loss. How convenient.
穆德：失憶......多省事啊！
SCULLY: Let me do an autopsy.
史卡利：讓我來驗屍一下。
RIKER: But I'm not dead yet!
瑞克：可是我還沒死呢！
MULDER: Resurrection!
穆德：復活！
TROI: Please calm down, sir, I'm sensing strong waves of paranoia and
agitation...
星異：先生，請冷靜下來。我感應到你的腦波中有強烈的激動與妄想。
MULDER: Psychic activity!
穆德：通靈術！
SCULLY: Will you stop that?!
史卡利：你就不能停下來嗎？
MULDER: (Waves gun at the ENTERPRISE crew..again...) All right, I'm
taking you in, ALIVE, as living proof of the existence of
extraterrestrial visitation!
穆德：（再度對著企業號船員揮舞著他的手槍......）好吧！我要把你們活生
生地抓起來，當作外星人造訪地球的活證據。
WORF: You? Take US in?
武夫：你？把我們抓起來？
DATA: Were I human, I believe the appropriate response would be...not
on the best day of your misbegotten lives. Were I human, of
course.
百科：如果我是人類的話，我相信最適當的反應會是......反正這不是在你們莫
名其妙的一生中最好的日子。當然，假如我是人類的話。
PICARD (from the ship): Number One, have the whales been dealt with?
畢凱（從船上呼叫）：大副，那些鯨魚處理掉了嗎？
RIKER: Aye, sir. And I think we're stayed long enough in this madhouse.
Mister-Whoever-Replaced-O'brien-This-Episode, beam us up.
瑞克：是的，長官。而且我想我們在這個鬼地方待得夠久了。不管是那個傢伙現
在代歐伯里安的班，把我們傳送回去吧！（註：歐伯里安是企業號的傳送
長，不過不是重要的角色，有時候會換人操控傳送室。）
(They Vanish)
（他們消失了）
MULDER: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
穆德：不！～～～～～～～～～～～～～
SCULLY: (sighs, puts arm around Fox...in a friendly, platonic, utterly
non-sexual way, of course). Don't worry, Mulder...we'll get the
bottom of all this, someday.
史卡利：（一面嘆氣，一面抱著穆德......當然是用她一貫友善、柏拉圖的，並且
完全沒有性暗示的態度。）不要擔心，穆德......我們總有一天會知道所
有的真相的。
MULDER: They were right here...I had them...and they slipped through my
fingers again...I'll never find my sister now...
穆德：他們剛剛就在這兒......我掌握了他們......然而他們又再度從我的手掌中
溜走......我恐怕再也沒機會找到我的妹妹了......
SCULLY: There, there, bubala. Come home and I'll make you a nice pot of
chicken soup, and then find a nice girl for you to settle down
with...
史卡利：過來，過來，乖寶寶......我們回家......我會給你煮一罐好喝的雞湯，
然後在給你找個好美眉來給你築一個溫暖的小窩......
* * *
(Back on the ENTERPRISE, as it returns to the 24th century)
（回到二十四世紀的企業號）
RIKER: Whew! I've never been so glad to end an away mission.
瑞克：喔！我從來沒有在結束任務時這麼高興過。
PICARD: Indeed, Will. It's a wonder humanity ever overcame its suspicion,
paranoia, and need for conspiracy and survived past the 1990s...
(pulls shirt down). Helmsman, set a course for Starbase
61...er...
say, I haven't seen you before, have I?
畢凱：的確。要具有多麼令人驚奇的人性，能對抗懷疑、妄想，以及陰謀的需求
，然後才能活過 1990 年代啊！（拉了拉上衣）舵手，設定好往第 61 號
星際基地的航程......ㄟ.......我好像從來沒看過妳耶，我看過妳嗎？
HELMSMAN: (an attractive woman with brown hair bearing a remarkable
resemblance to Fox Mulder is at the Conn). I'm...a transfer
officer, sir. It's a very long story. Very disturbing. You
probably don't want to hear it.
舵手：（一個棕色頭髮，長得很像穆德的漂亮美眉在飛行儀表前）長官，我是調
職過來的。那是一個很常很長的故事。非常花時間。你也許不會想聽。
PICARD: Very true. All right, Ensign, steady as she goes...warp factor
5. En-gage!
畢凱：說對了！好吧！少尉，飛行時保持平穩......曲速五級，啟動！
(Pump a few creepy bars from the X files music...)
（蹦出幾小節令人毛骨悚然的 X 檔案的音樂......）
_________________________________________________________________
THE END
劇終
________________________________________________________________
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不知道op沒....
因為在精華區內沒看到....
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