歪果人如何幹台灣馬子基本教練(上)

作者: LinChihChei (我是MVP林志傑) 看板: sex
標題: 歪果人如何幹台灣馬子基本教練(上)
時間: Tue Feb 17 19:22:55 2009

歪果人如何幹台灣馬子基本教練(上)
前言
第一章：對決台灣投手的第一發全壘打
第二章：遊戲規則

前言

Taiwan, Republic of China, is a combination of the old China of the
Tang Dynasty and the modern, commercial world. Traditional customs coincide
with modern high-tech industry. Taiwan girls (I'll call them TG's from now on)
reflect this aspect of their culture.

台灣，中華民國，是結合了唐代古老中國與摩登商業世界的複合體；傳統體系與
現代高科技工業的結合，台灣的馬子(從現在起我稱呼他們台馬*)，
也反映出了這種多面像的複合文化

譯案: 台灣的馬子有很多種，台妹；時尚OL；白領；學生妹......
如果單純用台妹來翻譯，可能會陷入在名詞定義上不夠精確的困擾，
台破；台麻或是台婊又可能致使女性閱讀者感到不適，
因此在這篇文章先暫時用台馬權充

TG's are very modern in their pursuit of carnal happiness. They like sex,
and they demand it. But they also have the centuries-old tradition of the
dainty, foot-bound maiden whose only desire is to serve her man.
The old ideal of a proper women who doesn't enjoy sex, who eats like a bird,
and who has no "un-genteel" habits such as shitting, farting, or bad breath has
survived throughout the ages. Modern TG's handle this disparity of desires
and cultural ideals by game playing. And if you want to succeed　in getting a
TG in the sack, you've got to understand the rules of these games.

台馬在對於肉慾的追求上是非常現代的，他們喜歡相幹，他們也需要相幹*，
然而他們又具備了傳統的美德，諸如：渴望著伺候主子的纏足女子

古老的中國傳統認為適妥有德的女子應當為：
1.他們不熱衷也不享受(骯髒的下流的)性愛
2.是個鳥胃人
3.優雅而有教養的
4.沒有不優雅的習慣諸如:大便，放屁，打鼾

歷經好幾個時代到現在的台馬們，潛意識中仍然有著這些傳統的概念，
你如果想要幹一個台馬，你必須玩些把戲來消去他的"美德"；釋放他的肉慾，
所以，像幹台馬，你必須懂得這些遊戲的規則

In every physical relationship with a TG, there are two stages:
getting there and after the first fuck.

在與台馬的肉體關係可分為兩個階段 - 到達高潮；第一次相幹之後

First, though, we'll go over a few idiosyncrasies about life in general which
can affect your efforts to get laid.

首先呢，先為您介紹一些可能能夠幫助你有效幹台馬的台灣特質

The population of Taiwan is one of the most superstitious peoples in the world.
Much of their life revolves around the supernatural. For example, the Chines
month which occurs at about the same time as August is sometimes known as the
month of ghosts. This is a bad time to be walking around with some young thing
after dark. University graduates, acknowledging that this is base superstition,
will still adhere to this kind of belief. Timing is critical.
Certain days and even the time of day has a critical impact on what a person
does. Contracts might not be signed one a certain day because that would be
bad luck. Getting laid on a certain day may be the best thing or the worst
thing that can happen based on the astrological signs.
This obviously can work for or against you.

台灣人，可說是世界上最迷信的族群之一了；即便普遍受教育程度不低，
但是絲毫不影響他們對於超自然的信仰，他們有所謂的"農民曆"，
上面明顯告訴你：
1.哪些日子適合/不適合 作哪些事情
2.哪些食物吃了會相剋；該怎麼解
3.西洋八月；通常為農曆七月，在這段時間他們認為入夜後不宜外出

"時機"是很重要的；某些日子是他們的好日子，要欉三洨都適合；
但是有些壞日子，他們連簽約都可以不跟你簽

懂得他們的習俗；將能夠幫助你成功的幹台馬，選對日子；他可能就容易跟你尬

譯案：
1.幹伊娘死洋番；不懂裝懂，
最好是有女生看農曆擇日看今天適不適合火砲試射

2.洋番：窩坎弄曆金舔適合達砲，May I fuck you?
台馬：Sure! Lunar calendar!? You're so cute hahaa~

Coupled with timing is the belief in Chinese astrology. Based on in which
Chinese year you were born can go a long ways in a TG's determination on
whether or not to fuck you. This may be more prevalent on deciding on marriage,
but it can relate to a roll in the hay, too.

生肖也是個有趣的現象；不同生肖的結合可能帶來好運與壞運；
雖然這比較接近婚姻方面的考量了，不過就像陰戶上柔順的毛一樣，
這也是台灣馬子信仰習俗的一部分

There is also a heavy reliance on the use of fortune tellers
(blind fortune tellers are considered particularly accurate).
A TG may ask her fortune teller if she should take matters up to the next level.
Depending on the fortune teller's response can make the difference between
success or jerking off. I once met a beautiful, rich TG. When we finally
fucked, I thought it was because of my suave and debonair attitude coupled with
my tremendously sexy and manly physique. Then she had to pop my bubble by
letting me know that her fortune teller had told her that within a week, she
would meet a man from outside Taipei and from 173 cm to 175 cm tall whom she
should get to know as he would bring her wealth. I am 173 cm (5'8"), so she
used sex to attach me, having fun and ensuring her access to business at the
same time (throwing out my dreams I was somehow turning into a ladies' man,
sad to say.)

台馬們很相信算命仙話的虎卵，尤其是盲人算命師，
台馬很可能會請教他們關於某個事件應該進或者是退；這時候算命師的建議將很可能
影響台馬對於這件事情的態度與作為

我在這邊舉一個切身經歷：
曾經，我遇到了一位美麗又多金的台馬；在我們終於相幹時，我想：
這位台灣女士必然是醉心於我的性感；Man Power以及優雅而溫柔的舉止

然而他迫不及待的戳破了我那因幻想而漂浮在空中的泡泡卵囊，
他說：
算命的告訴他 - 這週內會遇到一個174公分左右的外地人；如果能夠與這個外地人結交，
他將會獲得一筆財富

於是他用性愛使我迷戀並且讓自己歡愉的同時，也為自己的事業帶來財富
(我好像個被利用的小白臉，so sad~~)

The point of these preceding paragraphs is that logic and desire may not result
in consummation. If the cards are stacked against you, there might be nothing
you can do and you would be better off throwing in the towel and finding an
easier target elsewhere.
On the other hand, once a TG sets her mind to it, she isn't going to let go.
She will do anything in her power to get it done. If she wants to fuck you,
she will arrange for it to happen. I taught a TG here in the US how to give
blowjobs because she wanted to snag another guy who didn't like her.
It was surreal. I'd go over to her apartment and give her instructions while
she was going down on me. Yea, she was "using me," and didn't give much of a
shit for me, but I got a half-dozen blowjobs out of it, so who cares?

上面那些例子在告訴你；即便你很迷人，條件超優，
當你有某個元素與某個台馬的傳統信仰因素衝突時，你絕對幹不到他，
這時候你只能放棄，找另外一個好幹的目標；
換個角度想，如果一個台馬想跟你尬，他會盡他一切所能，
我曾經在美國遇到一個台馬，他跟我請益如何去跟一個不喜歡他的男人尬，
於是我到他的住所並傳授他如何口交，我並未向他收取任何的指導費用，
但我獲得了六次半套式服務......


GETTING LAID FOR THE FIRST TIME
第一章：對決台灣投手的第一發全壘打

OK, you have met a TG, and you are anxious to score. How do you get to the
sack? If you are a foreigner, particularly a white man, you've got a very good
advantage. She has heard much about your prowess in bed, and she wants to try.
If you are black, you may or may not have an even greater advantage. The idea
of "jungle fever" is not lost on TG's, although the attitude encompasses all
foreigners. While they are more prejudice than many people, if they think they
can get away with it without anyone back home knowing about it, most would love
to have an experience with a black man as well as a white man thinking that
both would be the penultimate in sexual pleasure.
你對決一位台籍投手並且熱切的想賞他一發紅不讓，
要怎麼擊中球心並且讓球在空中畫過完美的弧線呢？
假如你是一位外國(白)人，那麼你已經為自己加了不少分數，台馬們通常聽說過
洋屌超凡入聖的床上技術，並且想試一試；如果你是黑鬼，你可能獲得更高的基本分，
"叢林熱"的概念仍存在台馬的心中

台馬們比其他族群對於"歪果人"存有更多的"偏見"，假使沒有其他人知道的話，
他們樂意與白人或者是黑人發生關係，成為性愛歡愉的伴侶

The key is that you are a foreigner. As a "waigwo ren," you somehow fall
outside the conventions of "polite" society, read "Chinese" society.
There would be no or less loss of face for getting down and dirty.
If you think she is a tramp, well, frankly your opinion doesn't matter as you
are not Chinese.　Get pissed off at this thinking if you want,
or use it to your advantage by getting laid.

關鍵在於你是"歪果人"，你不是天朝體系禮教社會中人，
跟你做些下流骯髒的苟且之事一點都不丟臉；如果你認為他是個蕩婦呢，那也沒差，
因為你只是個化外之民

如果對於這樣的天朝體系思想你想發飆，那你就發飆吧；否則，就好好的利用你
"化外之民"的優勢來跟天朝人相幹

Appearance does not matter nearly as much to a TG as it does to girls from
other countries. The almighty dollar does, though. If you are rich,
that means you are powerful, hence, sexy. You don't necessarily have to spend
it on them, but you must at lest act as if you have it. Or if you don't have it,
you soon will.

外表對於台馬來說並不像對其他族群的人們那麼重要，有錢才敢大聲，
有錢的就是大爺；你不一定要把錢花在他們身上，但你必須讓他們知道你很富有，
或是你即將致富

Don't go overboard in trying to impress them with kindness.
Be a little aloof. Make the decisions. Don't be a jerk, though; consider her
feelings, but you make the decisions.

不要過於展示你的善意與好意而成了好人；要保持點疏離與疏遠；
要做決定，別當個傻子；
表現出你顧慮到他的感受，但仍然是你做出決定

This should be common sense, but don't criticize Chinese culture! Don't
condescend to them. Remember, they think they are superior to you. Unless they
are trying to hook a husband because they think women are more free in Western
nations, they are with you for a good time only, not because they think you are
from an advanced culture.

這應該是常識，不要批評中華文化；也別屈於中華文化！
記得！天朝的人永遠自覺高你一等，只有當他們因為考量到西方女性較為自由時，
才會想讓你娶他，他們會跟你在一起通常只是為了那些"好時光"，
絕不是因為他們認為你來自較先進的文化體系

OK, now for the game playing part.
第二章　遊戲規則
TG's almost never say what they mean when it comes to sex and relationships.
I've had it explained to me as the "Three No Rule." That is, a girl must say
"no" three times before she means it.
You are kissing her and slide your hand up her shirt. She takes your hand and
removes it. That is only one "no." You are expected to try again. By saying
"no," she has saved her reputation. As an American, I know "no" means "no."
With my first TG in Taipei, we were getting hot and heavy when I stuck my hands
down her pants. She took my hand out and said she couldn't. Pretty frustrated,
I quit, and shortly later took her home. The next day, her friend asked me why
I didn't like her. When I told her I didn't understand, she said the TG was
rather disappointed that I didn't find her attractive enough to go for it
harder. TG's will also say "no" while you are doing it. You've got your hand
down her pants, and she might say "no," all the while holding your hand so you
can't get it out. Or you are going down on her and she keeps saying "no" while
holding your ears in a vise lock so you couldn't get away if you tried.

在性愛歡愉的國度中，台馬幾乎不會直接說出他們想要的是什麼，
我將他稱之為"三不原則"，當台馬說了第四個"不"，或許才代表他們真的不要

我舉一個例子：
當你親吻他並且讓你的手滑入他裙內，他將你的手移開並且說"不"，這僅僅表示一個"不"
台馬必須藉由說"不"來保持他們的清譽；而不是像美國妞說不就是不

再舉一個例子：
當我們火熱的纏綿之際他把我的手從桃源移出，跟我說"他不能這樣"，很挫折吧...
於是我放棄了，並且馬上送他回家，隔天他的朋友問我說為什麼不喜歡他，
我告訴他我不能理解為何他在那個當下會說"不"，他朋友告訴我說那個台馬其實
認為我應該被他的性感所吸引而勇敢的跨越這個"不"來繼續邁進

我再舉一個例子：
台馬很常在你跟他溫存的時候說"不"，當你的手在摳摳的時候他會握住你的手說"不"，
但是因為他握住你的手於是你也不能抽出；當你想再試看看的時候他又輕輕的含著你的
耳朵，呢喃"不"，於是在這兩個慾望之鎖的束縛下，除非你努力的抽身放棄，
不然你只能照著他的期待努力邁進摳摳摸摸

Although this is changing somewhat, you'll probably not get laid on the first
opportunity. If she is a teenager out to have fun at one of the expensive
nightclubs, or if she is married, then you might. Usually, though,
a TG must be a "good" girl and not actually fuck that fist time.
The second opportunity is fine, though, because she has already proved that she
is a "good girl."

再第一次見面的時候，通常不太容易與台馬相幹；
但假使他們是來昂貴的夜店找樂子的青春女孩們，或是人妻，那麼你或許有點機會
通常台馬必須表現出他們是"良家婦女"，
所以他們寧願玩適合良家婦女的線上遊戲也不願意第一次就被你這個阿豆仔尬
不過第二次就是個不錯的時機了，因為在第一次的矜持中他已充分展現"良家婦女"的態度

Where can you do it? If you are home, wherever you normally do it is fine.
But if you are in Taiwan, you've got some problems. Many TG's live with
extended families. It's hard to fuck "syaujye" while "fuchin" and "muchin"
are in the next room. If you've already got a relationship going, you can check
into one of the many short-term hotels that are everywhere. Colorful fronts,
dark lobbies where she can stand out of site from the desk while you select
which kind of room you want, and a dozen or so choices of rooms, most with
frilly beds, mirrors on the ceilings, and porn on the tube. Four hours costs
about $20-30.

哪裡可以相幹？台馬通常都跟家人一起住，你不可能在"父禽"與"母禽"的房間隔壁
跟"洨姐"尬砲，Motel是個不錯的選擇，
當你在選房間的時候他可以躲在陰暗的大廳一隅等你

For the first time, your best chances are at an MTV. This isn't our MTV,
but a place where you can go to rent videos and watch them in small, cozy rooms.
Each room can be darkened and has a large couch in it. It is quite easy to
lie down together, and go on from there. Although this is supposed to be for
anyone, mostly couples seem to use them. If you're invited to one of these,
especially if she recommends that you watch two movies, you're in.

如果是第一次的話，最好的選擇就是MTV，他的裝潢與擺設已經暗示了這是個
適合溫存的場所，如果你是受邀去MTV，並且台馬建議你一次看兩片，
恭喜你，你得手了

Pay attention to the "friend." Just like in high school,
TG's often use friends to pass along the hint. If she tells you you are
handsome, it's coming from the TG. She can say things without regards to face
because she isn't the one hopping in the sack with you.

注意那些所謂的"朋友"，就像在高中時期，台馬們通常利用朋友來幫他打Pass，
他會請朋友告訴你，你很英俊，你是"緣投仔桑"，
透過第三人他可以肆無忌憚，不害羞的跟你說事情

Don't pay too much attention to her tits the first time if they are small.
TG's have somewhat of an inferiority complex about them. Don't ignore them,
but don't focus on them.

如果台馬是貧乳的話，就不要一直盯著奶子看，台馬們對於乳房有種複雜的自卑情節，
別忽略乳房；但別只專注於乳房

Finally, don't forget the older woman. Successful Taiwan men almost always
have a mistress. Now, their wives are fighting back. If you don't mind a
married women out looking for fun, give them a shot. Usually, they will pay
for everything, too, even to presents and gifts. Nothing seems to make them
more satisfied than to get laid while spending their husbands' money to do it.

最後，別忽略熟女，成功的台灣男人幾乎都有洨老婆，於是大老婆們吹起反攻的號角，
假如你不介意人妻，那麼就給他們一發痛快！幾乎所有場合他都會幫你付錢，
甚至送你貼心洨精品禮物，花老公的錢來報復，他們覺得爽翻天了


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◆ From: 61.230.30.44
※ 編輯: LinChihChei 來自: 61.230.30.44 (02/17 19:37)
→ sunh55834:end  02/17 19:39
推 bjolk:推翻譯官  02/17 19:40
推 wangchinmao:太屌了  02/17 19:44
推 letyoufree:翻譯官推  02/17 19:45
推 imiss0960:真男人  02/17 19:45
推 taiwan81903:翻譯的真不錯  02/17 19:48
推 TakeMedicine:翻的超屌  02/17 19:49
推 yflou520:翻譯很屌~可是我越看越覺得歪果人很靠背...  02/17 20:00
推 danieljaw: 翻譯得好 外國人講得很靠北 可是很中肯  02/17 20:00
推 ufoon: 屌爆了  02/17 20:07
推 Beretta:.....真的是被形容成會倒貼的妓女 被幹了還會付錢喊爽  02/17 20:11
→ redway:優質  02/17 20:12
推 Shakermaker:鄉民式翻譯 good  02/17 20:17
推 forkc:推翻譯官！  02/17 20:23
推 bossin0420:推!好文  02/17 20:24
推 nolive:最重要的必須是白人或來自日韓忘了講  02/17 20:27
推 smilexx:不推不行!!!!! 花老公的錢來報復真的很靠北  02/17 20:33
推 Dix123:NICE  02/17 20:54
推 trueae:Good job!! 大推翻譯官  02/17 21:19